Recently i have been thinking about furthering my career in music. Teaching private lessons is always in the cards, so once i get different hours i will be able to start teaching again. What i am going to start doing is answering want ads for drummers for any type of band. That is why buying my car soon is so important. So this month i'll be buying a new car and a new drum set.
I've been feeling sort of negative about my appearance lately. I think i need to loose weight. I'm not sure if i'm seeing what other people see, or if I have a screwed up image of myself when i look in the mirror. I always wonder what other people see when they look at themselves in the mirror. Do they see what i see? Or do they see something that i cannot. It's interesting to think about. I think i just need a new look. I was talking to someone about how i feel about my apprearance, and this person has known me since i was 7. (My elementary school music teacher. we keep in touch still) but she told me that i may have a race complex. I found this to be very interesting. What she means is that i see someone who is white, and i expect to look like that. i never thought about that. She said that it probably started when i started singing with that childrens chior when i was 8. I was the only black kid and everyone else was white. I think she's right. I see myself, and compare myself. I'm not saying i want to be anything else, or wish i was, but i just don't know what else to think. It's hard to look in the mirror and not see the same things your friends see or look like when your growing up. I think it just followed me. I'm trying to accept who i am, but it's just taking a lot of time. i know i'm semi-depressed right now, but i'm not as bad as i used to be. I feel fine most of the time, it's just when i look at myself i want to cry. I wish i loved myself more. I know that it will surpass, and that things will be okay. Right now it's just a learning process i have to go through, and the only person that can change it is myself. So no worries. i'm being optomistic and not worrying about it!
Well it's off to bed for me. Another long day of work tommorow. Until next time. Ciao
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I didnt' know you were back to this world.
First i have to say you are welcome, my name was mentioned amongst the thank you's names. I must say that it surprises me. And it tells me i still have a lot to learn about you.
Now i want to say a comment about the mirror subject, it's funny but i've made myself that question a lot of times.
First i believe your teacher was right and we think we should be a certain way, wether is a race body type or the hair or whatever it is. But we don't see ourselves as what we are. Acceptance is the key again. Not only in others but acceptation in yourself.
Now i want to answer your question of what people think of themselves when they look in the mirror... I say this thinking that i'm mentally sane and i have no kind of problems. Ok, i look myself in the mirror naked and i know i see different that what other people see. Not just because they don't see me naked lol. I like what i see in general but there are things i don't like of course. And it's not bad that you don't like certain things. The problem comes when you start not liking it at all. That is because you don't accept yourself. And in case it keeps being a problem what you have to do is start exercising or diet, that is, working on the solution of the problem.
And even though this is a topic, we shouldn't meausre ourselves for the outside look. It's funny how i don't think you are a person who only cares about the look of people. So why do you do it to yourself?
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